Its Indian Army !!!

today is the 28th of september..Went for the Indian Army Engineer's Entry today...what do u expect out of me..i'm a Software Engineer..but who gives a damn..i remember in-spite of all my tantrums and confidence everything went in Vain last time and i could not clear even the Gd...till date i never knew what went wrong..

But today was the day i had to prove something..something to myself..i had to prove that Abhinav Srivastava doesn't belong to the crowd..he's got something else to achieve..i know i mostly sound like a narcissist..but today was an important day..
Giving my GD for the Indian Army and Gosh i was nervous..nervous as hell...we've always seen these fuckin ppl kickin asses and telling them they r not fit for the Army..
but clearing the GD was simple..got my confidence back..today i could look upon myself..and say yes..u still have it..u still have it what it takes to be at the top..
the topic was "hockey in India" and man was i talking...dominated it from the start..but i was happy i could make some vital contributions..i knew i never had to make the same mistakes again..finally that army guy called my chest number and asked me to move for the interview..hey and that was the moment..i knew i'd made it..i knew that confidence was back..
and i loved it..i loved that relief..i loved that triumph and i loved the glory...
i love walking out of that room with an air of arrogance and with that humbleness..i wanted to scream loud and wanted to say "yes...i've done it" but the thing was half done..
next came the interview...it was easy man...comeone its me..its abhinav srivastava..u've got to be kidding me..
asked me what's ISDN...told him
asked me what's GPRS...explained him...
asked me what's Wi-Max...fucked him............
then we had a normal conversation on cyptographic analysis and neural networks..then came the real punch......

Why i want to join the Indian Army...and i was askin myself.."why the fuck i'm here...why the fuck i'm going for the fucking Indian Army when i've a nice cosy Job at Infosys with hefty perks and fat allowances.."
but i guess the answer was obvious..always wanted to do this...its been my dream...my charm my passion..and the smile on the guy's face was so very relaxing,..
and rest is history..
"we'd love to see you at the Indian Army Abhinav...."
Have a great Day Ahead"...these words r still echoing in my mind..
did i win ? but won against whom ?? against myself ?? no today its not an ordinary day..
today is the day when someone gives a confidence Diet to his/her mind..and that day was for me..
i've loved it all the way..
so will i join the Indian Army.............
time would tell.......
i guess what i like the best about a soldier is that "He Kills by Profession"
so......lets see..
abhi manzille dur hai aur raasta mushkil
lekin mujhe yeh yakin hai
jeet hogi apni ek din.....

Alone ??

why does it happen at times that even though I'm with friends..with best of my friends but still i feel that something is missing...why do i feel that even though i have so many people around me but still I'm alone...has it always been the same ? i don't know..and i don't remember...
it often happens that i want to be alone..its not that I'm an introvert or i don't like interacting with people..i can..and i can do it very well..but still limiting myself...often confining myself to my room...this loneliness..this silence...this serenity...it makes me feel complete..often when I'm alone i get time to think about myself..thinking about the things which are happening around me..things which are good..things which are bad..things which dont require to be given a thought of.......everything...
often it makes me feel good..but restricting myself...is it right ? is it normal ?
right or wrong...it seems to compliment me..but often i miss those long walks with my friends..those little conversations about a new girl in their life..or a suggestion on to how to approach a girl...or a simple joke for that matter..i often miss them..but creating a balance between the two of them seems impossible..i don't know which way to go ?
should i call it maturity or should i call it a transformation ? but m i not rationalizing about whatever I'm thinking...
often wonder i've started to sound like a confused scientist who's in search of happiness..
but i'm happy..very happy..
happy to be myself..
happy to be whatever i'm....
BUT M I ALONE ????? maybe i myself have to answer this...

Absolute Power !!

Often wondered what's so powerful about this phrase....."Absolute Power"...it has always allured me..always enticed me...does it mean having power...just power...no it means everything..it makes u a king and it makes you a leader..without any opposition...without anyone there to question your authority..Very much like I've always wanted to...always wanted to be the master of my destiny..my life...
i want Authority...power....and it has to be complete...often wondered what's life gonna be with the massive amount of power...is it going to add to my narcissism...but i guess Absolute Power is a constant struggle against the best..it makes you even better than the best..and when you achieve that perfection you still try to take it further to a point where you feel,its the end...but that's the point "Absolute Power" comes to you...it's always around you and someone or the other has it..often people don't know it,they already have it...
often its difficult to have your authority..this is the time you snatch your share..and i want my share in any way,lest be it the other way round..Power is not given..its taken...
Its very difficult...often next to impossible to attain this status..this aura...but i know it belongs to me..and i will have it one day...trying to peep into the future...and trying to guess what's been in store for me...
but tomorrow...whatever....Power has its charm...its ten thousand times as intoxicating as grass....it gives you the thrill...its punch is the hardest and it lingers on...
wondering what's next ? Power ?
the answer seems obvious..

Women ??

well often wondered what's so special about Women ? what's so unique about them that its absolutely awesome to meet and to get an opportunity to know one of them ..
Maybe why i'm writing here 'coz i'm a MCP (Male Chauvinist Pig) as most of my beautiful female friends would refer me as by the end of this post...
often wondered a few things...i'll rather point them out to you..

1) Why i always get that butter-flies in my stomach and that weakness in my knees whenever i meet a beautiful women...

2) Why all the girls have the same hand-writing....

3) Why all the girls like Pink ?

4) What' so special about The Bechams, The Crusises,The Pitts ???

5) Why is a "rose" the most convincing rescue...

6) Why is it that "Chand-Sitaaro" ki baatein always allures a women ?

7) why are "Diamonds" a women's best friends ?

8) why every Women wants you to realise "that she's got so much pain behind her eyes"

9) Why being a Nerd is a perfect qualification to have an Aishwerya with you..

10) Why are women so dumb ?

11) Why they have so much patience ?

12) If a women knows before-hand how a man is ? then Pyaar mein dhokha kyu hota hai ?

13) why i always want to defeat the girl i know but in the end i quit n jus njoy watching her win ?

14) Why a women knows what'll be the right combination of attire that'll suit me ?

15) why a Women knows everything ?

16) Why are they so complex ?

17) why is it that even if you dont talk to a damsel next to you but you still feel good..

18) why is it that i've an urge to meet a beautiful girl even though i know a lot of them..

19) why is it i love Women ?

20) why is it Women are so much..........

but i guess the presence of a lot of women in my life has taught me a lot of things..they've groomed me..and made me perfect...they've taught me how to talk and how to convince...they've taught me how to impress and how to wait..
why is that life without a women is so empty...why is that only after a guy gets a girl in his life he changes and he always changes towards the better side..often wondered its so special we have them with us..they are always here to take care of us...but why dont i understand them..and when will i ? maybe the day i would...i'll tell u all...but i know i'll fail this time...

I'm God !!!

Often felt that i'm a narcissist...well looking back..Its been my attitude...which had different sources..but "this is the way i'm"..Well finally i'm placed today..have a job...INFOSYS..fuckin' bitch.."hum se hai duniya"...came to this college,wondered why i'm here..simply because i never tried it..i always wanted to be in the National Defence Academy...even got through it but fate is a slut..she's a bitch...and she brought me here...when i came to this college..Attitude and loads of it..bloody Franciscan and who gave a damn..always used to wonder do i deserve it ? Deserve this ?
But this place taught me a lot of things...how to make friends n how to cheat them...how to spend money even when ur wallet is empty..i met a lot of people..different ppl..multiple categories of Bastards...a lot of times i think about that line "rabba mein itna burra nahi hota,Agar tu bewafa nahi hota"...this place taught me the tricks of the game...
but all of it has not been bad...i met the most cherished people of my life too..i met a guarding angel...and she took great care of me...
often wonder how far i've to go...and how fast i've to go to reach top-speed...Full throttle...
As i look around i feel so many people around me...guys who r self-less...god knows who made them so innocent and it often makes me feel good..guys who'll say "theek hai" and smiling seems their mantra...u feel happy for a moment..but then the real punch comes...Bastards..they r all around us..and r always ready to cheat u...but this is the way life is...
i wonder this last year..kab khatam hoga...but hoga 1 din...and that'll be my day...and that day i'll prove i'm not one from the crowd..i'm not here to follow..i'm here to Lead..i'm here to Win...i'm here to Defeat..i'm here to Rule...i'm here to conqueor...and i will...
Just waiting for that day !!
well the journey has jus begun !!

Suicidal Tendencies !!!

I've always believed that "Born Losers" is a reality..its a satire on people like us who strive harder by the day and in the end realize its futile.It wasn't Worth trying that hard..but it seems Sometimes life is not a matter of living;its about Survival and defeat..and Waiting for that moment to own this World..when Power,Fame seems a coitus with MoNeY..........


When Life seems to come to its Pinnacle, and Moments pass...the Idea of Life is not to follow the Best but to BEAT the Best........At the Top they say its all ALONE..but reaching there gives you memories..brings you in the genre of "BASTARDS" 'coz the Top-Spot they say is for the "BASTARDS"..i want to be One..its not that I'm Not a Bastard...and Its not that I've never been on the top !! but the glory remains..un-noticed...


Often this gives Frustration but Life is not Sweet..its about Pain mixed with Glory and being that Iconoclast to defy Traditions,to live in that Exotic Paradise and creating a utopia for the stellar.................


For let the world welcome 'coz the underdog is here..unleashing the power often seems impossible but consequences are not always in favour................


You still wait for that moment to come and it passes by and u realise it when u r about to lose..about to give up..and u r down..................


But here again my friends life is not about love..its about a race called survival and may the best man win.................


Often wondering what makes it to be a champion..what's the difference between giving up and getting up..and what it takes to strive forward...'coz the innate is not cultivated they say but the nascent is yet to born...........


Often the difference between pessimism and optimism seems minuscule and being an ambi-vert helps...to be or not to be is the question and the answer lies deep within..................


Often thinking about the past makes me nostalgic but carrying forward nothing in my present is perhaps the greatest blessing.......................


Often the stars gaze at me and i look at them to find my answers...."nothing succeeds like success" and everyone seems to be in agreement..............


But life here is to teach me..teach me the agony of love,warmth of jealousy,treachery of friendship...


and life seems an indefatigable mentor to guide me through the doors...but success is close my friends...and its here !!!

For the times that have swayed away..the fragrance remains...getting used to losing..or waiting for that ultimate win ? but does it matter anymore..friends,love,memories,joy it all seems Maya !! getting close to nirvana..